Love Songs for Prostitutes

by steakhousemints



The Steak House Mints play the rock and roll music. Love Songs for Prostitutes was inspired by a conversation with film maker Mark Becker about his documentary, "Romantico". There may not be any actual love songs on the record.

Wherever possible actual musicians were used to create this music. Some of them were harmed in the process. It could not be avoided. In some cases, we had to use large words. That is to say, they were sung using all capitol letters. I will not apologize for wasted ink. I used Helvetica.

There is no substitute for fresh ingredients, but they cost more. Some of you may choose to "rip" or "burn" these files and "share" them with your "friends". So be it. However, in the event of a water landing, your personal flotation device may smell a little musty. And as you bob up and down on the broiling surface, scanning your limited horizon for a rescue vessel, you may wish our forgiveness. Consider it granted.


released February 12, 2013

Billy Dave Sherman - vocals
Scott Tipping - guitars
Shawn Sommer - bass
Steve Gillis - drums
Vijay Tellis- Nayak - keys



all rights reserved


steakhousemints Chicago, Illinois

Many of these songs will make you jump around, but some swaying may also occur. If you are not devoid of basic decency, then you will most likely turn up the volume upon playing this so called record. There are no guarantees.

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Track Name: Hi Ya
Now we’re locked in battle
A fight we could not choose
My worthy foe the time has come
For one of us to loose.

My fingers itch my muscle twitch
Anticipation shivers me.
I will be your shining knight
And blind you with my chivalry.

Hi Ya

My Kung fu grip will never let you slip.
I’ll bite you on the neck and then I’ll take away your lips.
Karate chop I’ll beat you like a cop
I’ll love you like a pimp until you beg me not to stop

Hi Ya

My cunning is relentless
Your forces are defenseless
My efforts will be restless
It won’t be long thy will be done
Surround you like a heat wave
Pound you like some deep bass
Pray to keep your soul safe
Prepare yourself for here it comes

Sweet surrender from your will
I’ll release you.
Now be still.
Feed your hunger, quench the fire
I will free you from desire.

Hi Ya
Track Name: Yeah, Right
I don’t want to hang around
I don’t want to go out
I don’t want to go to bed with anyone
Yeah, right

It’s always just the same
Everything’s so lame
Sex and money drugs and fame
Yeah right

Yeah Right

Let’s fight let’s screw let’s come unglued
Let’s Rock let’s roll, let’s not grow old
Let’s let everything we’re told go
Yeah Right

I don’t want to know your name
I don’t want to meet your mother
I am not your sister or your brother
Yeah right

It’s everything or none
It’s all been over done
We was only having fun
Yeah Right

Yeah Right


You’re a beautiful creature with a mouth full of trash
And you never read Nietzsche
And you’re dying to crash
And I’m so glad I met you
And I’m so glad you came
And I bet you I’ll beat you
At your very own game

Track Name: The Diplomat Hotel
Out here on the sunny side the air is sweet
Take the red line or the brown line
And head on down to Sheffield Street.

Tony at the front desk never has nothing to say
He’ll let you have your usual
But first you gotta pay

The Diplomat Hotel
The Diplomat Hotel
Where we landed when we fell
The Diplomat Hotel

There’s a bathroom down the hall if you need a shower
There’s always rooms available
By the day, week, or the hour

Put a quarter in the slot to make the mattress rock
And when you need a bottle,
Big City’s just around the block

The Diplomat Hotel
The Diplomat Hotel
Never kiss and never tell
The Diplomat Hotel

Rats and roaches and color t.v.
They’re not responsible for stolen property
When you leave, you have to leave your key

The black girls at the doughnut shop all like to tease and flirt
And show the boys from Naperville
What’s up underneath they skirts

Nobody knows nothing when the police come around
And you can always get some action
If the Cubs are back in town

The Diplomat Hotel
The Diplomat Hotel
Never kiss and never tell
The Diplomat Hotel
Track Name: Just Drive
We may never come this way again
This will be a memory we’ll look back on when
The nights grow colder
And we both grow old somehow
Just Drive

I’ll remember how you held me here
Until everything was through
Please say you’ll remember me too
And the wheels keep rolling and the road keeps rolling by
And the farms and the fields and the trees keep rolling by.

Just Drive

You never know how far you can go
Until you’ve gone too far
You fall asleep and wake up alone
And there you are
Yeah yeah yeah

The day may come when we’re all done
Chasing possibility and sailing toward the sun
And the leaves stop falling
And I stop loving you
And we loose this feeling like we both knew what was true.

Just drive

You never know how far you can go
Until you’ve gone too far
You come home late and nobody’s home
And there you are
Yeah yeah yeah

I’ll go anywhere with you - just drive
Don’t look back - just Drive
Track Name: I Must Paint You
What is this that I am seeing
Could this vision be?
Never have I witnessed beauty
As lovely as thee.
We must leave this place at once
Turn off your ringer please.

I must face you and erase you- Please forgive me - I must Paint you

Take anything you can grab
Shut up and get in the cab
You work the pedals I’ll be the steerer.
The lights and faces will fade
We’ll leave this masquerade
And stand naked before a mirror.

I have no safety words.
I find the concept absurd,
The idea that a word could save me.
Except for possibly love
Given from a god above
With his son so no one could play me.

I must take you and remake you- Please forgive me- I must paint you

The blind leading the blind
We’ll leave this city behind
And in the darkness we’ll find each other
Take a drink smash the glass
And if this breathe is our last
Let’s use it praising the holy mother

I love the sadness you hide
Behind the smile in your eyes
You take my money but not my pity
When our time here is through we’ll find that beauty is truth
That does not mean that the truth is pretty.

I must date you and create you- Please forgive me- I must paint you

The light around your head like a halo, how it glows.
There are no words to describe what’s inside where you hide, but you know.
There is nobody who sees what you show just to me, your beauty
I need to keep it some place where it’s safe from the time
Make it mine
Track Name: Don't Mess with Me
You may think I’m not as tough as you
But I’m made of rubber and baby you’re made of glue
From where you stand I seem sort of small
Maybe I might wobble but you’ll never make me fall.

Don’t mess with me
If you do, you’ll be sorry

I know that there are better ways to settle differences
But what I got is what you want and what you got is his
Apparently you are the kind who’s not afraid of taking
But if you think that I’ll just give it up then you’re sorely mistaken

Don’t mess with me
If you do, you’ll be sorry

Not so much a chip but the moon on my shoulders
I would just turn around walk away go grow older
Or not with me

When you look at me you see a frail and fragile girl
But come a little closer and I’ll rock your loving world
One for the money to show you what it’s all about
Knock me round or up or down, but you’ll never knock me out.

Don’t mess with me
If you do, you’ll be sorry
Track Name: The Great Mustachio
The Great Mustachio was not a cautious kind of gent
And everywhere he went danger would follow.
He’s was the type of rogue to make the maidens pay the rent
And brought to mind a man from Sleepy Hollow

Oh he’s a hairy-handed chap
Oh the kind to give your mum the clap
Oh the ladies simply love to slap Mustachio

He’d don a top hat and a cape a cane that held a sword
Never had there been a better dressed villain
The world was just a place for him to claim his just reward
He always did his best to avoid killin’.

Oh he’s a scallywag and fiend
Oh he likes to keep his money clean
Oh, the children simply loved to scream Mustachio

He got a lot and what he got was always sold and bought
No one was ever more suited for getting
He loved to pluck the flowers and give kiddies lollipops
He loved to go to funerals and weddings

Oh he’s a braggart and a cad
Oh the kind to make your daddy mad
Oh, it’s the bitter end for bad Mustachio

Oh he’s maleficent at best.
Oh the kind to poke you in the chest
Oh an arrow through your heart in jest
He’d make the devil feel repressed
And do it like a man possessed
This song was the last request
For The Great Mustachio
Track Name: What Are The Chances?
I wasn’t going your way
But when I saw you today
You made me change my destination.
Now I’m not a stalker or a real smooth talker
But you, you are temptation.

So here am I, at the bus stop aiming for casual.
I’m kind of shy, but if I just break through it’d be magical.
This could be one of the world’s great romances
You and me babe, what are the chances?

Then we both got on board and I prayed to the lord
Please let me think of something clever.
I tried to be cool as I sat nest you
I knew the time was now or never.

So here are we on the 147 to anywhere
Look at me try to make eye contact but not to stare.
Could it be the two of us exchanging glances?
You and me babe, what are the chances?

How do you do today?
How do like that book?
I really dig your look.
Why don’t we run away?

The moment had come, my heart beat like a drum.
I got the nerve to ask you what time it was.
I knew I had missed as you glanced at my wrist
And my watch started to beep and buzz.

Then we stopped and on walked some Mr. wonder man
My heart dropped when he sat down, smiled and you took his hand.
Balloon popped by the needle of our circumstances
You and me babe, what are the chances?
Track Name: Tattoo
This old tattoo
That reminds me of who I used to be is blue
And covered with flowers and dragons and hours of tears for you
Since you’ve left me all alone here at the prom.

I cut myself
Just a little bit to take away the empty pain
Of space you created and evacuated when you were through
Since you left me all alone here at the prom.

Now and then I seek the shelter of regress
In a dying star
Or the flutter of a dress

The Johns and Joes
Come and go and never know
The name dad gave to me
When life was sweet and I danced on his feet
To a tune we sang
When you left me all alone here at the prom.

Here and there I find
The passing happiness
Of a crashing car
Or some other sorted mess

And so adieu.
Fare the well and all the rest
The best has gone with you.
There’ll be no more laughter or happily after
It’s done we’re through
And you’ve left me all alone here at the prom.
Yes you’ve left me all alone here at the prom.
Track Name: Please Come Again
Hello, come in!
Sit anywhere, a lingering stare.
How does it go what do you say did you have a nice day?
Do you need a few minutes, or shall we begin it?
What looks good, what will it be, do you like what you see?
What do you think sir, shall we start with a drink sir?
A smile and a wink sir…

A cup of coffee and a place to sit
And the special over easy..
Somewhere safe to take my face a bit
And what he’s having. Yes please me!

Here we go nice and hot
Does that look alright? Bon appetite.
Did you like what you got? Did that hit the spot?
Is there anything else?
Oh yes please help yourself.
Was it good, are you through, anything else for you?
Shall I take it away sir are you ready to pay sir?
Have a nice day sir…

Sometimes I feel like I would disappear
Were it not for the food you feed me.
One more joke before I leave you dear
I like to feel somebody needs me…

Please come again sir

Darling, I’m here I’m waiting
I’ll be alone for you